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The Art Of The Orgasm – Men Read This

Posted by Mr. Nice Guy on July 31, 2009

I hear a lot of complaints from women, that their men or men in general don’t know their way around a woman’s body. So, I figured I’d sit down and write this for all of the frustrated women, and the men that care enough to do better. If you’re a player, you definitely should read this. If you’re married, read this, it will make your sex life better.

I’ve been living with my girl for going on 5 years now, and our sex life is great. Mostly because I know exactly what I’m doing. I’ve had my share of females during our relationship that she knows about, and some that get invited back to join us. The secret to getting your girl to be a complete freak is making her cum, a lot. If you’re THE SHIT in bed and she goes to sleep before you because the sex was good, and not because you’re boring, she’ll try some new shit when you want it.


For some reason, most guys just want to jump right in. I do it on ocassion, but foreplay is great if you’re good at it. Good foreplay involves build up and sexual tension. If you want to really go for the gusto, you can do everything I’m about to tell you. If not, you can skip any step you like.

1. Change shit up. – I’m not quite to the sex part yet. I’m talking about costumes and role playing. Oddly enough, you don’t have to go to the porn store or stripper store to find sexy costumes. A party store usually carries costumes year round, so feel free to check them out. Both parties have to be down to play their role, and that includes the guys. EVERY guy has a young girl fantasy, as much as they may not like to admit it.

Women, trust me, your guy wants to fuck a young girl. I’m not sure how young, but it varies by the guy, sometimes a young girl is 15 and sometimes its 21, depending on his age. Its nature and has been going on for thousands of years. Anyway, back to the point. Women, if you still have some of your high school clothes, or you use to chearlead in high school and you can still fit it, put that shit on, with some sexy heels and surprise your man when he gets home. You’ll see what I mean about the young girl fantasy.

Men, know your woman’s shoe size and buy her whatever sexy shoes you want her to wear. The same goes for every other article of clothing, just buy it. When I met my girl, she didn’t possess a vibrator, sexy heels, or a costume. I made sure to change that shit real quick.

Finally, if she doesn’t have sex toys, buy her some, and grab some porn while you’re there. Watch porn with her and get her to play with her toy while you watch. If your woman is the dominant type that never wants to try anything new, buy some bondage gear, she’ll love that shit. EVERY woman has something she’s curious about, so find out what it is.

2. Dirty Talking – If you want to build up tension, call your girl or guy at work and talk dirty. Send dirty text messages or even dirty pics with a message. Sex talk is good if you know what you’re doing. It gets your partner’s brain working and their imagination going wild. If women imagine someone they love to have sex with doing something that turns them on, they’ll get wet, even at work. Women, do the same for your men, he’ll love that shit and be anxious to get back home.

If you’re at home, turn on some slow music and dance with your partner. Whisper some sexy shit in their ear and see what kind of reaction you get.

3. Going down. – Guys, focus on the clit, but don’t bite if you don’t know how, as I’ve heard some girls say, these idiot guys do.. That’s my best advice. Sure, you can do all of the other stuff down there, but licking and sucking on her clit is a sure way to get her to cum fast and a lot.

This bit of advice right here is mostly for you GUYS. Going down on your woman is not 100% for her pleasure. When a woman has an orgasm, her muscles contract and she gets tighter. Make her come 2 or 3 times from oral and see how different it feels when you start having sex.

Women, more than a few of you are not as good as you would like to believe. Too much tongue on the head doesn’t always feel good. It gets sensitive, so ease up on that. Sucking too hard doesn’t feel good, especially at the end, unless your guy likes it, don’t change up right when he’s about to climax. If you don’t mind a guy releasing in your mouth, keep doing what you were doing until he got to that point. The change up at the end sucks.

Time For The Real Deal

By now, everyone should be ready to go. If you’re not with your main girl, guys put on a condom, and women, make sure your side guy or one night stand has one on. Guys, I’m not going to give you a step by step here, just the important things you need to take note of. Women don’t need much help here, except for me to say, don’t be fucking boring. Try more than a couple of positions.

  • If a girl says right there, don’t change what you’re doing.
  • If a girl says harder, go harder.
  • If she says faster, go faster.
  • If she’s making noise, gets silent, and her body tightens up, she just had an orgasm.

Guys, this is a problem so I figured I’d address it. If you reach your orgasm too quick, its a turn off for women. ALL guys know when they are getting close to climax. Its never a surprise ladies, regardless of what a guy says. Men, when you get close to climax and she hasn’t came yet, pull out, and go down on her for 30 seconds or so, then jump back in. Its an old school porn trick. Pay attention to how many times the guys do it in porn. They do it to keep from getting a nutt too fast.

I’m sure some of you have positions you like, but guys, there is one position that will make her cum hard and fast every time. Put her on her back and put her legs back as far as is comfortable for her. It lets you get in deeper. If you really want to make some progress, put your left or your right leg up, almost like you would do when you ask her to marry you. Doing that will let you get in real deep and she’ll love it.

I’m out of advice for now, so guys and girls, try some new shit if you want to spice up your dying sex life or if you want to get people talking about how good you are. And always remember, practice makes perfect.


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Technology and Antisocialism

Posted by Mr. Nice Guy on July 24, 2009

When I was a kid, we use to do things, like interact with other people… Although I didn’t do it much, I still did it more than I do now.  The more advanced our technology becomes, the less we have contact with other people.

1. Why the fuck would people rather text than talk on the phone? Its a pain in the ass and a waste of time, especially if both of you are sitting at home doing absolutely nothing…

2. I’ve noticed a dumb ass trend online too… People who have MySpace and tons of online friends, but don’t want to meet anybody from the Internet… What’s the point? Who the hell needs or even wants cyber friends? If you never want to meet in person, don’t waste my time or yours trying to develop an Internet relationship… I guess it helps if you have a bunch of friends to protect you from cyber bullies? LMAO

3. Speaking of cyber bullies… why is there even such a thing? My first question is, when did kids become such pussies that they get bullied by people that aren’t there?  My next question is, when did kids become such pussies that they use the Internet to bully people?  In my day, we had REAL bullies and we didn’t kill ourselves because of it… LMAO… If you have a kid, that is pussy enough to kill themselves over cyber bullying… You should consider the idea yourself…

4. Cyber/Text Sex… That shit is lame.  If you don’t even have the balls or people skills to have phone sex, you should probably just pay a girl for the real thing.

5. Web cam shows… When did watching women on the Internet and paying $3.00/minute become the new strip club? If I’m going to pay $3/minute, I might as well get a lap dance from a REAL woman…

6. Does anyone else think the Internet is about to make the Library and Music Stores,  obsolete? I don’t go to the library for shit… and I definitely don’t buy CDs anymore… unless their blank… LOL…

7. In case you’re baffled about kids killing other kids in school, its not the parents fault… its technology… We have successfully engineered several generations of sociopaths because they no longer need or want human contact… They can probably play World Of Warcraft better than they can speak the english language… Its easy to be a psychopath when all you do is kill virtual people all day online…


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Cellphones, Voicemail, and Texting

Posted by Mr. Nice Guy on July 24, 2009

I guess its time for me to post another rant, so here goes.  When texting first came about, I hated it.  I thought it was a dumb idea to turn a 2 minute phone conversation into a 10 minute waiting game.  Who the hell wants to have a conversation 150 letters at a time?

Some of you don’t yet realize how annoying texting is. Lets assume I want to ask you, “What’s going on for today?” I’d have to press 44 buttons just to ask you that.  If you’re lucky enough to have a QWERTY keyboard on your phone, its only 26 buttons. Then I have to wait for you to type me back.  God forbid you don’t get the message right away. Its gonna take 30-45 seconds to type it out, and God only knows how long for you to respond.

Who the hell wants to do all that when I could just press 7 buttons and ask you? That would take me less than 60 seconds to find out.

While I’m on the subject of cell phones. What’s with people that don’t leave a voicemail? Since when does everyone have absolutely nothing to say when they call you and you don’t answer? I’m sick of people saying they don’t leave voicemails.  If you call me, and I don’t see a missed call from you and you didn’t leave a voicemail, as far as I’m concerned, you didn’t call. I don’t care who was around when you made the call, if I didn’t get it, it didn’t happen.  That’s like doing your homework and swearing you turned it in. Do you think you’re going to get credit for that?

The next thing that I find to be really really really dumb is wasting money buying every new cell phone that comes out.  If you can afford to do that, go for it.  Don’t call me to borrow $10.00 after you just spend $400 on a new cell phone, when your old cell phone worked just fine.  Don’t ask me to borrow, give, or donate money so you can buy the new Blackberry, knowing damn well you just bought the new Blackberry last week.  For those of you who are slow, Blackberry releases too many damn phones, and I can’t keep up.

Personally, I’ll use a phone until it can’t be used anymore.  I have a Treo 650 that came out in 2006, and it works just fine.  I also have a Cricket phone. My Treo has touch screen and I can upgrade the memory with an SD card, check my email, use the regular Internet, download apps that do damn near everything the iPhone does, and much more.  Its about time Blackberry caught up.  Touch Screens were the shit 3 years ago, but some of you people are so damn late on technology. I bet somebody reading this right now still has daytime minutes (not you Vikki LOL).

Does anybody remember when cell phones first came out? I’m not askin if you’ve ever seen one, but if you REMEMBER when they first came out.  Wasn’t that the coolest shit ever? If you’re younger than 40 sayin you remember that, you’re full of shit LOL. They came out in the 60s, if you remember MASH, they had that shit in the military. Shit, I remember when cordless phones first came out, I hated to use a phone with a cord after that.

Speakin of old school shit, I found a pager in 2007 and I still have it. I can’t find anyone that will activate it. Fuck it, I figure if you like to push buttons and text, just page me. LOL. If anyone knows where to get it activated, let me know. Either I’ll do that or keep it another 3 years and sell it on eBay for $100,000.


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